Open Letters

Mandy Moore
Now, your album Coverage was awesome, A Walk To Remember put you on the Actor's Guild radar, your Chasing Liberty nearly bumped you off, and now Saved? Amazing movie. Wow. The critics are hailing it. Now, hopefully this will make instead of break you!

Maggie and Jake Gylenhaal
Jakey, you haven't returned any phone calls, is it because the critics and bloggers are putting your new movie in the dust? Well, sorry. Maggie, you in Mona Lisa Smile is like the best role I've seen you in, cept for the one with Jakey in DONNIE DARKO.

Jessica Simpson
Stop the Icebreakers commercial, stop the pizza commercials, and it's just a t-shirt. For a ditz you sure know marketing and finance.

Diet Dr. Pepper
Now wow, you and Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi make diet cool again.

Pamela Anderson
Now not only are you Pamela Anderson, woman who receives 180 million hits on Google, and probably most renowned for the sex video and that stripper show. Are you a porn star yet? Or do you still prefer tasteful nudity?


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